Yo, Betch Waldorf now. Resident expert at Betches* introduces on LinkedIn bio* and overall extraordinary human being who likes to belittle her peers.

Even though I’ve made a end from recapping, the herpes of world pictures is back and I exactly can’t make it go forth. Who knows, maybe I will return to recapping? Donald Trump is President now, so my adage is “anything is possible.” Until then, I can at least innovate you to the new cast because I’m like, such a good friend.

GIRLS

ALEXIS

Currently wearing half the jewelry district from Lucky Brand. Formerly you show she kinda consider this to be Velma from the movies, you cannot un-see it. Jinkies, man.

ALIVIA

Ugh I hate people who spell their regular identifies excessively. Special neighbourhood in hell. She looks like she’ll be “one of the guys” this season–basically makes she’s down for butt stuff.

AUDREY

Audrey’s going to be a fucking psycho, I know it. Have you ever met an Audrey that isn’t batshit insane? I rest my case.

DIANDRA

This girlfriend will 100% go in a fight this season. Likely with Audrey. And you know what they say: “the worlds biggest” the hoop, the bigger the hoe.

GELES

Not sure how to stress this, won’t even try. Poor man’s Mila Kunis.

JADA

Jada with the collarbone tattoo did not come to fuck with these hoes. She’s now to get some coin and possibly a good cock along the way. I will most likely root for her.

KENYANA

Damn, what’s with all these crazy refers? Y’all couldn’t get one Megan in this bitch? Keyana is going to probably be the forgettable one this season. Sorry sweetie, “someones got” do it.

NICOLE

Nicole’s about to be so unimportant–girl couldn’t even get a charming poolside drawing but instead had to settle for this old Myspace pic. Door behind her leads to the wardrobe, where hopefully she can change into a better gazing shirt, yikes.

NURYS

Okay, what in the fuck is this call? Is her word “nurse”? Huge boobs doe–probably going to get saving lots of male was living in the house.

UCHE NICOLE

Usually I don’t trust beings with two first names–blame Justin Bobby–but I don’t technically count this as two given name because I’m pretty sure Uche is just a typo. She looks like the strategizing nature. She’s def going to be calling out the no-match couples.

ZOE

Def going to be the snake of the members of this house. I thoughts she still announces her father “Daddy”

BOYS

ANTHONY

Thinks he is a model. Probably will snap a table at some part in the line. One for the drama, for sure.

CLINTON

Most likely an hopeful creator/ rapper/ sit of some kind( everyone here is, though ). Will invite Zoe to also announce him Daddy.

DAVID

Huge fuckboy. Has the IQ of his shoe length. Frequenter of the Boom Boom room, calls everyone “bro”

DIMITRI

A fucking snack multitude. Will 100% be springing for him. Don’t@ me.

ETHAN

Lovable, but perhaps going to utter me very uncomfortable. Will be a really good friend to 100% of the girls.

JOE

Member of the band HAIM. Has better whisker then all the women on this depict. Likely good in berth though. What? You were thinking it.

KAREEM

His facial “hairs-breadth” is more organized that our authority. Takes longer than the girls to get ready. Probably going to have sex on the first day there. I most likely won’t like him, I can just tell.

KEITH

Sweet, stupid Keith. Elected for Trump and damn glad. Masturbates to the American Flag. Once invited someone how to spell “orange”

MALCOLM

Here for the money fasho. Will most likely create a shitty strategy that helps them acquire miraculously in the last episode.

MICHAEL

Looks like someone who tried to make it as a acclaimed Youtuber. His pendant says Jesus but his sleeveless sweater says “DTF” on his Tinder profile.

TYLER

This dude glances more like Willow Smith than Willow Smith does.

SO, that’s it–22 new geeks. Can’t wait for this season full of bitchy inspecting girls and their chode equivalents. Until then…

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