AT THE HOUSE
They just got 3 rays, which is like, meh. Not immense , not zero. Alivia and Kareem are still fastening up, and she’s like, “I hate myself, ” and it’s like, k.
Alexis is indicated that Keith establishes her want to better herself and do inspiring occasions like go back to get her middle school education. Love takes us to new summits, y’all. <3
Meanwhile, confirmed no-matches Dimetri/Nicole and Geles/Anthony are still hooking up, which is, like, fucking pointless on so many levels. How Geles is even able to see Anthony through the mile-long eyelashes she has is beyond me. They say that love is blind, I guess.
The likable guys–Ethan, Joe, and Tyler–and Shad, are all pissed because, like, half the girls have their heads up some dude’s asshole, and they can’t play the game correctly.
Kareem, on the other hand, thinks those guys need to “get out, meet people,” and it’s like well, that’s kinda hard to do when you’re balls deep in a girl 24/7 and can’t handle when she even looks at another dude. Like, is Joe just supposed to chill out on the side of the bed in The Boom Boom Room and ask her questions about herself while you two are hooking up?
REAL PIC OF JOE : strong>
They necessitate Clinton and Uche in the Truth Booth, so they can get a confirmed join, and hopefully, get those two vanilla motherfuckers back to the church tent they escaped from.
It’s the chaps objection this time, and they have to learn stuffs about the girls via their family members. The person who suspects the right response first gets to eliminate someone, but if they answer incorrectly, they’re eliminated.
Audrey apparently lied to her parents about being on this picture and “ve told them” she got an internship in “Cali, ” which should have been the first indicator that she was lying, because literally no one calls it that.
After a series of not-so-riveting discovers, the fate of the game comes down to whether Uche’s cherry has been sounded. Now this is high-quality video, you guys.
Eventually, the champions are Tyler, Clinton, and Keith, who pick Jada, Uche( duh ), and Alivia, respectively.
ANDDDDD BACK TO THE HOUSE
Joe starts talking to Alivia and casually asks about Kareem. Alivia goes triggered faster than your prejudiced Uncle Conrad on a pro-Black Lives Matter Facebook post and tells Joe that she doesn’t would like to speak about it. Joe’s actually somewhat fucking respectful about it.
JOE : strong> “Sorry I didn’t “ve been meaning to” upset you.”
ME TALKING INTO MY THIRD GLASS OF WINE : strong> … you pansy-ass bitch
Alivia does exactly what every girl who “isn’t like most girls” does and slyly starts drama. She immediately goes to Kareem and tells him that Joe questioned her about him.
He grabs Alivia by her chin( which he does a great deal) and whoops at her about what she needs to do, etc. Kareem genuinely fucking startles me. Like, if I was Alivia’s friend, I would probably be openly concerned for the fact that he grabs her like that and speaks to her like a fuckin’ holding father. MTV–really great casting on this. I hope you’re willing to pay for Alivia’s care bills.
They go on a Mississippi River steamboat, which sounds like a really gross sexual behave that someone tells you to “look up on Urban Dictionary.”
Clinton and Uche start talking about adolescents and pups and if Uche is willing to move to the East Coast, and it’s like, woah. Lots of decisions. Idk what I even want to put one across my Chipotle burrito when I’m like, halfway in line. Can you just like, chill for a sec?
Alivia tries to open a champagne bottle with her teeth, which is like so dangerous. Why can’t Kareem yell dainties of common sense in her cheek, so she escapes stupid shit like this?
Alivia is talking to Keith and she’s like, “Idk if I require Kareem in my life, because he’s so smart that he makes me go back to him, whereas you’re like, you.” Keith’s like, “Fair enough.”
THE TRUTH BOOTH
Of course, the house mails Clinton and Uche to the Truth Booth. They both wanna hustle and get this shit over with, so they are unable make it to the 7:30 bible learn class. Today Janet returned lemonade and used real sugar–gonna be a fuckin’ rager.
Unfortunately, person didn’t caress their prayer beads this morning, because it’s a NO MATCH. This is a big hit for the house, because these two have literally been sitting together the whole show, whiiiiiich means they know nothing, and I still have to write these fuckin’ summary!
Uche starts breaking down and is genuinely mourning the loss of the health risks D she may have gotten in the honeymoon suite.
About 2.5 seconds after the Truth Booth, Jada goes up to Clinton and queries him to talk. She mostly is like, “You need to branch out to other girls …. Actually no, only me.” Identify the entertaining happen about diverging out is, you’re gonna need to accompanied a few condoms to do it.
They both talk about how they literally don’t know each other, and everyone watching is like, yeah. We know. Why are we here again? And then they leave. Pointless.
However, Satan have undoubtedly possessed Uche and she pulls a Kareem and freaks out about two people talking. She comes in HOT at Jada, who love, did nothing wrong.
Uche’s like, “What did you say to Clinton !?, ” playing like Jada came out kitty-first rather than literally just talking to him. Jada’s like, two seconds from prompting Uche who the fuck she imagines she is talking to, and I do not condemn her one chip. Uche was foul-smelling with this one.
Clinton’s like, “Wtf Uche is kinda a watchful bitch, that’s not my character, ” and it’s like, Alivia, get your notebook out, sweetie. Write this down.
Jada fees off and starts weeping, which is kinda not what I expected. Utter me the constrain stomp I signed up for, dammit! Jada’s like, “I respected Clinton and Uche’s relationship for so long, ” which is def genuine. I’ve considered some fucking crazy shit, from being the only see of this display for the last five years, and Jada’s def taken the high-pitched road.
Jada then starts snapping the fuck out and hitting shit, and THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT.
Uche affirms to God that she did nothing incorrect in such instances, and you know sweetened newborn Jesus is up in heaven like 😛 TAGEND
Uche’s like, “It’s hurtful to me that we have to play this game as it was intended, ” and it’s like, buck up, snowflake. Make MTV Great Again!
Speaking of Trump voters, Alexis still feels Keith is her equal, and she said the impressions she has freak her out more than a transgender person existing and doing absolutely nothing to impairment her.
Keith is like, “Alexis knows how to get to me, ” and I think that probably has to do with the fact that she’s blown him like, 10 experiences in the last week. Alexis asserts she has confidence and withdrawal issues, and I approximate I could see that, when your room is literally on rotates. If your lavatory to have been able to leave you, realize how hard dating is? I fret for her.
THE MATCH UP CEREMONY
Anthony is up firstly and selects Nicole. Somewhere in the distance, Geles’ rends seep down her eyelashes, introducing fresh water to Flint, set hundreds of miles away.
Terrence J determined on Daddy up on these morons and calls out the no match pairs and is like, “You see how this is foolish right? ” And Geles is like, “I literally cannot learn my own hands.”
Terrence J invites Malcolm if he’s talked to other girls, and he’s like, “Sure. I’ve talked to other girls….” Terrence J queries him who he’s talked to, and it’s like being caught in lie with your parents.
TERRENCE J : strong> Who did you talk to?
MALCOLM : strong> Other girls.
TJ : strong> Which girls?
MALCOLM : strong> Uh … you know … the ones with the eyes.
Of course Malcolm picks DD.
Kareem selects Alivia, dragging her from her chair by her fucking chin.
Joe comes out and is like, “We aren’t dallying this game correctly !!! ” which, wow, if I had a nickel each time I heard that on this show…
Kareem flings out and is like, “Joe has no connections because he shit talks parties! ” and it’s like, okay that’s like, the best mode to offset attachments. The fuck “are you doin “, trying to insult my subsistence like that?
Joe selects Zoe.
Shad pickings Audrey, who would much rather be with Johnny Bravo.
Tyler collects Keyana.
Ethan pickings Geles, which bothers me. Can I take a second to discuss Geles, because I have THOUGHTS.* makes swallow of wine-coloured* Geles literally exclusively claims Ethan is her coincide because she is not attracted to him at all. Like, what do they have in common?* Malcolm asks* “They have eyes.” ANYWAY, it’s sooooo easy for her to pair up with Ethan, who she has zero interest in, because she knows she won’t fuck him, and he’s too nice to make is moving forward her, so she can still continue to cock around with Anthony. Homegirl, I was in a sorority for four fucking years–I can discern slight manipulation faster than Jada can run into Clinton’s arms.
[ End rant .]
Keith selects Alexis.
Clinton picks Jada, lol.
Dimetri collects Uche.
Johnny Bravo pickings Nurys.
Overall, it’s a random AF lineup, which is probably why they get one light. Loooooosahs.
Terrence J ultimately hollers at them for being fucking idiots, and it’s like, wow search who decided to put one across his big boy heaves today. They go back to the house, tushes between their legs, Alivia’s chin in Kareem’s cast-iron grip.
When they get back, Kareem and Anthony face off with Joe and Ethan about how the members of this house is partitioned. Every formerly in a while Geles tubes up to agree with Kareem, and it’s like, literally never speak again. Kareem tells E-money and Joe they are losers, and it’s like, if Kareem is presumably the fucking cool one in the house, you all are bunch of fucking losers.
Like I said, doozy. Tune in next week to see if E-money does the world a favor and perforates Kareem, and to see if Alexis finally ascertains how to spell the word “orange.” Bye!
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